"I'm Not Dead Yet!"

The Communication Sciences and Disorders office is looking festive. I think it has a great classic look and I'm glad we were able to find such a fabulous Santa. The poinsettias were purchased from Aiden Moore as part of a fundraiser to go with the Harding Academy Chorus to Carnegie Hall in NYC. I so wish Ian could have been a part of that. Even if he had stayed at the Academy, I don't think he would have been included in all of that. Our experience with the HA Chorus Tour when he was entering the 10th grade convinced me that there were forces working to make life as difficult for him (and for us) as it could get. I'm sure it will all work out in the long run, and he has had some wonderful opportunities that he wouldn't have had at the Academy. I can't believe I transitioned back to our experiences at HA. I find that they are never far from my thoughts. The counselor that Ian saw kept saying to let it go, but I seem unable to.

Keri is continuing to digress, and this last weekend seemed to be a milestone. We have always communicated relatively well and I can usually guess what she is wanting to say after awhile. Saturday morning she woke up constantly repeating phrases like, "I can do it." and "I'm not dead yet." When I respond, she always seems surprised. I'm also having to help with any movement. I'm desperate to keep her at home as long as I can, but I worry all the time about my ability to do so. I mentioned to my mom on Sunday that the current cost of a facility for Keri is $5,000 per month and asked if she might be able to help if/when the time came. I didn't get the response I had hoped for. I wanted just an assurance that she would help if needed, but she just commented about the unbelievable cost. She didn't say "no" and I truly believe she will help if needed, but it is so overwhelming. I'm living day-to-day, and I'm afraid I'm not doing it well.