"The End"? (6/6/2017)

Keri screamed until around 1:30 this AM. They used a phinigrin patch, as much ativan as they could and finally resorted to morpheme. She is calm right now, but the hospice nurse wondered whether we were moving to "the end." I don't want her to suffer but I'm not ready. Is one ever ready? I know I will live through this, but I wonder if I really want to. We are blessed not to know how our lives and the lives of those we love will end. If we knew, we would do whatever we needed to do to avoid the broken heart. But I have to remember that what breaks the heart are all the wonderful experiences and memories that got us to this point. During one of those tornado outbreaks several weeks ago, I thought it might be best if a storm just took out both of us.