The Hollowness Continues (8/2/2017)

I told Ian to come by my office on the way back into town after work. I now realize that is the only way I can see him. He asked for $120 yesterday to change the oil in his car and have his tires rotated. When I looked at his account (to make sure he had enough money) I saw that he had paid out $115 to one of his friends. He explained that this person worked at WalMart and paid for the job with his discount. I hate to be suspicious but he has burned me so many times. He also said he didn't feel good so didn't want to eat with me. He was going straight home. I went to church and got home at 8:30. He wasn't here and hasn't been all night. It's now 10:35. Why am I not surprised? I miss Keri more than ever and Ian spends as little time at the house as he possibly can. It may well be his coping mechanism but it leaves me so alone. I need to cut him loose! He was such a help to me while Keri was alive, but now he is draining all the life out of me. I worry about him all the time. He absolutely refuses to keep me posted about his whereabouts. When he does tell me something, he's never where he says he will be. He comes home extremely late, usually midnight or later and I lay here worrying about where he is and what he is doing. He's supposed to be at work by 7:00 am but he almost never gets up on time and I feel obligated to beat on his wall and get him up, but he usually ignores me. Makes me feel so insignificant. The only way I can get a good nights sleep is to take some sleeping pills but that's not good for a diabetic and hepatitis survivor. So I just stumble around like a zombie. I've explained this to him several times, this afternoon included. He assured me he would come home and get some rest himself. Is he here? Of course not.