What Am I Going To Do? (12/2/2017)

I knew that Keri’s death would change everything. I just did not know the extent. I find myself wishing that I could have just gone with her. I told myself that I had to look after Ian. I had no idea what a joke that was. We haven’t looked after him in years. He may or may not come home at night. He doesn’t have a job and doesn’t seem interested in finding one. He calls when he needs someone to pay for his meal, otherwise I never hear from him. Even on my birthday, he called for me to meet him and Sarah at Chili’s but only had a $10. He told me to come straight back after ASCDS because he had a card and something for me. I did, of course, and he said hi and went out and sat in the car with Sarah until I was in bed. I was disappointed but not surprised.

Today I asked him to do some things around the house and he said he was going up to his grandmothers. He actually went climbing with CJ and then back to Conway. It’s 9:22 on Saturday night and he still is in Conway. I now realize that I have absolutely no one to depend on and that he will tell me whatever he thinks I want to hear. I fall for it every time because I so want to believe him. I’m not a fool. Well, I guess I am. I just so want to believe him. What do I do now? What am I going to do?

11:32 pm Ian is now on the road headed to his grandmothers. I hope he sleeps in the car. He doesn’t need to disturb her at this time of night. What is wrong with that kid????

POSTSCRIPT: (12/3/2017)
He did sleep in his car. He pulled in at Clarksville and stayed in a parking lot there from about 1:30 until 9:00 Sunday morning. He then drove up to his grandmothers. At 10:30 she called and asked if I had been trying to call her and I told her it was probably Ian because he was outside. He later said that he had had a flat and was just too exhausted to change it.